I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
