Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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