I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
