I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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