I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
