Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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