Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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