Jerry, you need to find god
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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