If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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