you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
