I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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