Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
