evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
