Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
