It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
