If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
