my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
