guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
