a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
