i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
