My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
