At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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