how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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