It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
