out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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