Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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