I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
