Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
