Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize