I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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