He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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