fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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