Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
