good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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