i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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