I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
