He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
