that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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