matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
