So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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