I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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