Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
