I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
