I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
