STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
