Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
