I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
