Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
