One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Text me some of your sweat
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
