lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
