Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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