I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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