i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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