Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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