No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
