Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
