I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
