I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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